In this session you will learn:
1. Why industry titans use kindness to build strong bonds with their community so they lead their field.
2. The phenomenon of "Limbic Hijack", and how it deactivates your primal genius so you fail to do your mighty mission.
3. How Nelson Mandela leveraged compassion to lead the world.
4. How to transform fear into faith and insecurity into audacity for outstanding results.
Hope this powerful episode helps you realize amazing things and materialize your most precious gifts for the benefit of your life and the lifting of a greater world.
We’re also happy to provide you the transcription at no cost:
Hi, It's Robin Sharma, and I'm really happy to welcome you to this Mastery Session, which is called “Why Kindness is Not a Weakness”.
In this episode, I'm going to walk you through my philosophy on why the heroes are kind. In this episode, I'm going to share my insights on why kindness wins. In this episode, I'm going to offer to you why the world needs more kindness and compassion, more empathy and relatability to bring on audacity. We live in a world where the dominant message of society is, if you want to be a leader, be sort of mean, be aggressive. You’ve got to thump your chest a little more if you want to lead the field. You’ve got to speak a little bit louder. You've got to be all about me versus thinking about we.
What I want to offer to you right now is simply a reminder, because your wisest part knows the truth. In the last hour of your last day, when you reflect on your life, if you were not kind, I think you're going to feel heartbroken. One of my mentors when I was a young lawyer was a judge and a very special man. I learned so much from him. I was so incredibly influenced by his commitment to excellence, by his integrity, and by his outright honor.
A few years ago he had retired and I made the trek back to where he was living and we spent two glorious hours together where we remembered our best times when I was working for him. Toward the end of our conversation, I asked him for advice. What's most important? What are the best lessons you've learned from life? What suggestions do you have for me as I go forward, as I pursue my mountaintops?
He said this and he spoke of excellence and he spoke of honesty, and then at the very end of our conversation he said, "Robin, please, always remember to be kind." He said, "Oh, Robin, it's so important to be kind." He reached over and he did something he'd never done. He hugged me and he said, "Robin, I love you."
A few months later I received a message from my assistant that said this gentleman, and I use that word intentionally, this gentleman, because he was a true gentleman. He had passed away and that meeting was the last meeting that I was blessed to experience with him. "Oh, Robin, always be kind." Kindness is not a weakness. Anyone can be aggressive because often aggression comes from insecurity and beneath insecurity is fear. When we are in a low-grade fear, we're contracted. Our hearts are closed. We're not intimate with our empathy. When you're scared, you contract. You do anything required to be safe.
I'm going deep in this episode because I know you want to go deep. You don't want light insights that you see in all these social media posts. Dream big, be happy happy. Grind and win. Depth is important right now if you're in hot pursuit of outright personal mastery and true leadership. If you really want to get real results, forget superficiality, let's go to granularity and let's get deep.
One of the things I want to say to you is, we resist our kindest selves only when we're scared. When we're scared, we go into survival. I could get into the neurobiology of it. I could talk about limbic hijack. Your limbic system is the survival part of your brain. When you get scared, you naturally go into survival. Fight, flight, freeze. Literally your perception narrows, your heartbeat increases and it becomes all about staying safe. Now, here's the powerful point.
There are a lot of people who have experienced so much trauma in their life. Famous leaders, famous titans, or people that you know personally. They've experienced so much pain, so much loss, so much trauma, that their daily normal is a state of fear, and because they're in a state of fear, they're living not in their higher part of their brain and their higher part of their humanity, they're living in constant limbic hijack, which means their perception is narrow and their hearts are closed. They're just trying to feel safe. I hope that makes sense. I believe it's a profound point.
As you do the inner work—you know my 4 Interior Empires, this is not the episode where I want to share it with you because I want to stay focused on kindness as a reflection of strength. If you're interested, read my book The 5AM Club. You'll learn The 4 Interior Empires model, which is transformational, which is the foundation of all exterior empires. Here's the key. One of The 4 Interior Empires is Heartset, and as you start to not only work on your Mindset—everyone's saying it's all mindset, everything's mindset, attitude is everything.
I'm a disruptor. Mindset is only 25% of the personal mastery equation. You can have a great psychology. If you don't have a strong Heartset, if you haven't purified your emotionality, then your heart is closed. The people with closed hearts are not the people that write the symphonies that change the world or create the products that change the world or build the families that upgrade their lifestyles and that build the movements that inspire our civilizations.
Your Heartset and working on your trauma and looking at your repressed pain,I call the whole concept “The Hurt Well”. We all develop this well of hurt as we leave the perfection and innocence of our childhood and there's this loss of innocence as we go out in the world. Our dreams get betrayed, we experience loss, we experience failure. We get disappointed, we get hurt by people, and what happens is, all this pain builds up inside of us and then society says, "Don't feel it", so it gets greater and we don't realize that to heal a wound we need to feel a wound.
To heal a wound, we need to feel a wound. Instead of doing that, instead of feeling all these toxic feelings and releasing them —when you take the shadow and bring it into the sunlight of feeling and awareness, you'll release it. Instead, what most people on the planet do is we swallow all of the pain, disappointment, frustration. We think it's not there, but it blocks our creativity, blocks our productivity, blocks our performance, and it blocks our authenticity.
Just remember that people who are in pain do painful things. People who are frightened are aggressive, often loud, bang their chests, selfish. They're really interested in having a lot of fame and fortune in the world because deep within them is a scared little child that is just trying to feel safe. They have hypnotized and brainwashed themselves to thinking if they get the yacht and all the social media likes and a big house and a high position in the world, they're going to be loved and feel safer.
What I suggest to you is, play a different game of leadership. Go into yourself and explore that pain. Ask yourself why you might not be compassionate to people. Ask yourself maybe why you're not expressing your truest self to your friends, coworkers, strangers. Ask yourself, "Am I insecure?" Ask yourself why you're not a merchant of kindness. Ask yourself why you're not the most positive person in every room that you're in and start exploring the insecurity. Exploring the repressed pain, exploring the hurt so you leave limbic hijack and living a life designed to make you just feel safe in the world. You actually go into the world as a leader and as a hero because it's the giver that wins the most.
The more I work with love, with the intention of love, the more influence I have. The more I try to give to my family, give to my friends, give to the people around me, give to the world, the more the world replies to my kindness. I've discovered life has an awesome accounting system and we get from life not what we take, we get from life what we give. It's so counterintuitive. The ego says take, that's why the ego's our voice of insecurity and fear. We all have a higher nature. We all have a primal hero deep within us. I get very deep into it. If you're interested, read The 5AM Club. I get deep into how to be genius, how to build a relationship with your primal hero. It's a lot more than a book about the morning routine of history-makers.
Right now, I simply want to remind you, you have a deeper nature, a higher order, and a primal genius living inside of you right now. That deeper genius and hero is all about being kind and being loving and bringing great value to as many people as possible. The true history-makers understand that, that the more people you help, the more your life gets upgraded in ways that you cannot imagine. It is just stunning to me how when you make it about being kind, that doesn't just mean hugging people or doing nice things for people or being compassionate to people. Doing work that is beautiful and poetic that so it serves your customers is being kind.
Taking the time to help a stranger in need is being kind. Taking the time in your busiest day to listen to a family member who just needs listening, is kind. Sitting down with an industry peer who could be quote unquote "your competitor" and saying, "Here's how I did it. Here is the opportunity for you. Here is what I would do if I were you. Here are my contacts." That kind of kindness to an industry peer, not only helps that other human being, believe me, that kindness will come back to you 100x. Just because the world doesn't think like that doesn't mean you shouldn't have the bravery to live like that if it feels right for you.
To wrap this up with a bow, kindness is not a manifestation or a habit of weak people. Nelson Mandela went through 27 years of incarceration, 18 years on Robben Island. He was tortured. He was asked to dig a grave and lay in it, and then he was urinated on and laughed at. Yet when he emerged from prison, what did he do? The jailer that kept him in prison was invited to his inauguration when Mandela became President of South Africa because Nelson Mandela had built and fortified kindness within him. He was asked, "Why would you do that?" He said, "Because if I didn't, I would still be in prison."
If you have not built that universe of strength within you so that you have the power to be kind, well, then you're still in prison and we all are. The world will be less of a place but for your full-on expression of kindness.